What A Long Day It Has Been For Me Tonite.....

Just came back at 5.20 AM.

Earlier today.....

Denise invited me for a BBQ party at Ivy's house at 6.30 PM. Unfortunately, i was kinda lost my way to the house. Left Ivy's house address back in my email inbox. Feeling kinda stupid at that moment for not printing out the address earlier on. Tried to called Denise and Samantha for directions, but both of them were not picking up the calls. After like 30 minutes circling the Pandan Perdana area, decided to like abandoned the whole BBQ plan thingy.

Lat called me asking where i am. He's with his girlfriend, Huda at Ampang. Decided to tag in. Met up with their friends, Fran and his girlfriend, Hazel. Joined them up for a drink. Showed Lat my new haircut that i've got. It's just like the current hair style that i have at the moment, just a bit shorter.

Boy called me to asked whether our earlier plan of hanging out together tonite is still on. After a few discussions, all of us decided to go for a karaoke session at Jalan Imbi. Drived my way to Boy's place and after picking him up, we went straight to Jalan Imbi. There was a sudden road closure there but i'm not quite sure why. We have to use the back road of Jalan Imbi to make our way to the karaoke place. Saw the old hookers that were still there and amazingly, still kinda active in doing their "social business". When i say old, i do mean really really old as in that over 40 range kinda old. That's just weird. Can you imagine like a bunch of 40 years old hookers? It's truly an unbearable sight.

Managed to get a karaoke room at 1.10 AM. As usual, i started the show with an evergreen song, "Ahmad Jais - Mengharap Sinar Menelan Kabus". Ha Ha! Followed up with "Tommy J. Pisa - Biarkan Aku Menangis". That's truly one beautiful song. I love that song. I know it's unacceptable, but i really do love that song. I even did a duet with Boy on "Samsons - Kenangan Terindah". That duet was kinda like an amazing moment for me an Boy, really. Not in a lovey dovey way, of course. No worries, we're both straight and he's scheduled to be engaged to his girlfriend by the end of this year. The reason why i'm saying that it's kinda amazing here is because i've known Boy for like 10 years now, since high school and in that 10 years period of time, we have never like go for a karaoke nite together. Karaoke session have never crossed our thoughts when ever we hang out with the gang (Hairul and Erwin) for the last 10 years. So, the karaoke session that we had tonite was kinda like the benchmark of a new thing that me and Boy have ventured in together.

Left the place at 2.10 AM. Buzzed up Fara and Wawa asking where they are. I told them that i'll kidnap them up earlier tonite for a drink session at around 1 AM. But since the karaoke session finished up at 2.10 AM, both of them told me that they were kinda tired at the moment. Wawa asked me to give her a call tomorrow. So, tomorrow it is then.

Boy invited me to join him up for a drink session with Alan and the gang at Hartamas. Alan is an old friend of mine. Nice guy. We were just hanging out at Hartamas until 4.58 AM exchanging recent news on each other.

One more thing, have i told you guys that 90% of my conversation with Boy today was in English? It's just weird. I truly don't know how this happen. It seems that both of us were really comfortable talking in English. We were discussing on a lot of things. Mostly on our perspectives of life. There were a few things that we both discussed tonite that were kinda interesting to me:

(a) I got a friend who asked me out for a club nite out session. I told him that i only have like 20 bucks in my wallet. He told me to be a "risk taker". Quite worrying bout that 20 bucks and let just have fun tonite. I said, "I'll be a risk taker if you give me 100 bucks for me to support myself tomorrow. If you're willing to do that, then i'll definitely be a risk taker."

(b) Don't blame life on all the stupid things that have happen to you. You can't blame life if you're not doing anything at all to change your own stupid life. The choice is in our hands. People do mistakes, but how many people do learn from their mistakes? Never blame life if you're the one who's like keep on repeating your own mistakes time and time again. Instead of whining, why not change it?

(c) "All the things that i do in my life only hurts myself. I drink, took some weed and live my life as a party animal. But i never disturb anyone else." The big question here, it's good to know that you're not hurting anybody else, but does that mean it is right for you to destroy or hurt your own self? How much do you worth? 20 bucks?

(d) "Let's go get drunk tonite. I only have like 20 bucks. I have a lot of troubles in my life at the moment. I don't have a lot of money. It's hard for me to get money. So, i would just like to get drunk tonite so that i could just forget about all this money problem in my miserable life. Let's just forget about this thing, just for tonite. Let's have fun. Yup, you'll forget bout this money problem tonite. But as you said, the problem will be gone for just one night. Is it possible for you to wake up tomorrow with 1 million suddenly appearing in your bank's account? Even if it happen, what would you do with that 1 million? Would you go and get drunk again, since you're now able to pay for all the booze in the whole entire bar? If you don't get that 1 million, would that problem be gone tomorrow? You'll still wake up with 5 bucks in your wallet, or if you're lucky that someone else is buying you the drinks, you'll still only have 20 bucks with you. You'll definitely face this money issue again in 2 or 3 days time. What you gonna do now? Get drunk again?

We were discussing about this matter for a friend of Boy that we met tonite was experiencing a major financial crisis and he was kinda like expressing his depressions to Boy and somehow hoped that he could discussed over this matter with him and gain some useful tips on sorting his problems out. I don't want to get myself involved in the personal conversation between him and Boy but since he was like opening up the discussion, i decided to have a listen at his hard situations and tried to lend him a helpful hand in any way possible. Anyway, i've known this guy for quite a long time and besides being sweet, nice and noble, he is unfortunately also a party animal. The first question that popped up from his mouth the moment he saw me tonite was "Are you going to be at the Recharge party at Melaka next month?". I just smiled at him. There's definitely no harm in being a party animal here if you want to. That's your choice. Who the fuck am i to stop you in doing what you want and being what you wanna be? But you got to know your own limits, aite. For me, who cares what he wanna do with life. It's his life anyway. Just don't come back to me whining on that whole "I-Don't-Have-Enough-Money-And-Life-Just-Sucks" crap shit afterwards.

Do i sounded angry here? Sorry if i did. I'm not angry, i swear. I'm just feeling pity towards people who would just not learn from their bad experiences in the past. I'll forgive him if he was like 20 but this guy is 25! Come on, dude!

If you earn like 3 K a month but you're spending like 4 K every month on buying booze and partying all nite long, then definitely your money will never be enough, dude. Can't a 25 years old chap do this sort of simple math count?

I'm not saying that i'm an anti social here. Boy drinks. Same as me. I'm still drinking until this very day, occasionally. But i chose not to do it at the moment simply because i need that money for something else such as my credit cards payment, my car payment and my foods. Would you be interested in paying my debts for me? If i have extra cash, i'll definitely go and get myself a bottle of Heineken, without any hesitation.

The thing is, life sucks if you make it sucks. There are a lot of times when i just think of getting myself drunk, take some weed and dancing in a club. There's no problem for me in doing it. It's just that i believe that it would be much better to do something like these when you're capable financially and mentally. There's no fun for me in doing it now and still worrying bout my sadness issues the next day. It's just gonna lead me to a never ending sadness shit.

Boy told me and i quoted, "We're definitely not getting older or wiser for thinking this way. We're just in the learning stages of picking ourselves back up piece by piece after experiencing all that shits that we've done earlier due to our own stupidities." And honestly, i do agree with him on this one. Age does not matter. You can be 25, 30 or even 55. If you still keep on doing all the stupid things and not learning anything from it, eventually you will stay being stupid for the rest of your fuckin life. Get it?

I told Boy's friend, "A close friend of mine told me before that some people learn it from the hard way. The only thing that you can do here is to try your very best in applying the lessons that you've learnt in your ongoing life".

And don't give me that "Life Begins At 40" shit. Maybe you're right there. Life do begins at 40. But you'll might be dead by 50 or 60, man. You can't predict how long you'll live. You should be grateful if you can even reach 40.

And yup, you might have a fuckin rich family. But, note one thing. That money that you have with you is not your money, it's your parents. You have nothing without them. You can financially depends on your parents now, but do you have an idea on how long would they live? Even if they die and pass you a whole shit load of money or better yet, a multi national company, people will always say that you got that from your mom and dad. You're nothing without them. Wouldn't you want to prove them wrong?

I do believe that's how the term "Dia tu anak Datuk" is truly popular back here in Malaysia.

Yup, it's true if you say that people won't stop talking even if you're rich due to your own effort. If they still think that way, just let it be that way. The most important thing is, you know the truth yourself. Be proud about it then. Fuck with the people. They can't hurt you with their words. You've proved your ability to your own self. That's what really important. That's your pride that you can truly be proud of, dude.

Sincere apologies if you don't agree with me on all the shits that i'm putting down here. It's merely a personal opinion of mine. If you don't kinda like it, i just got 2 words for you. Go figure.

For My Girl.....

Wow, my fingers are getting rusty on this blogging thing here. Have not been posting anything for quite a while, eh. Can you imagine that i even have forgotten my login password to my own blog spot?

I can't sleep at the moment. Have about approximately 3 more hours to go before i need to go to work. Why am i still up then? Well, have you ever get that feeling where you wanna say something to somebody but you just can't get the right words out at that period of time and you feel that it's much more better to just write or type it down for him / her? I'm in that kinda feeling right now.

I had a fight with my girl last Sunday nite and it was ugly. Don't wanna elaborate on that one for i'll let bygones be bygones. Unfortunately, we broke up that nite. Yup, it was an ugly fight.

I don't know about you but i personally believe that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I strongly believe that the people who are in a particular relationship, are responsible in creating a perfect situation for their own relationship. Got what i mean?

Let us use Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for an easy imaginary example. Let just say that on a naturally one fine day, Brad and Angie met up at a club and out of a sudden, they realized that there is a chemistry or a connectivity between the both of them and they decided to get along together. Both of them share a lot of things in common.

Brad is a smoker. So does Angie. Brad likes to drink. So does Angie. Brad likes to act. So does Angie. Perfect, huh? But just maybe.....

Brad likes Dunhill. Angie likes Salem Light. Brad likes to drink chocolate milshakes. Angie likes to drink strawberry milkshakes. She's allergic to chocolate. Brad likes to act in a movie. Angie likes to act in a drama or maybe a soap opera.

But that's the beauty of a relationship. Despite the fact that there are a few differences between these two individuals, love brings them closer and closer to one another every single day. They'll definitely get tangled in a small argument when Brad bought Angie a box of Ferrero Rocher for her birthday present. "Don't you know that i'm allergic to chocolates?" she said. And from that day onwards, Brad will learn his lesson and keep a personal note to himself on this matter. So that whenever somebody ask him why do he buy a pack of Salem Light's cigarettes for Angie's birthday, he'll say "Angie is allergic to chocolate".

Back to my story, i personally believe that we are the ones who make our relationship perfect. By loving one another, we work together in understanding each other so that we could be side by side forever.

I love my girl. I love her so much. She told me that i'm just like the other guys that she met before who keep on hurting her feelings. But i'm not. I'm definitely not like other guys. The major difference between me and the other guys is i have her by my side. The other guys don't.

I used to have her.....

I'm merely a human. Just as how i make her laugh with my stupid jokes sometimes, just as how i make her smile with my funny faces sometimes, that is just how i could also possibly hurt her feelings unintentionally sometimes. And i'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry.

She asked me recently whether i'm doing fine or not. To be honest, i'm not doing fine. I don't know how to explain this but i'm kinda having that "discomfort" feeling when she's not here by my side.

I'm sorry that i've hurt her feelings. She said that we can't turn back time. Yup, we definitely can't turn back time. But even if i can, i might not want to do it. Why? Because if i keep on turning back the time to fix the things that i've wrongly done to her, i won't be learning my lessons. I'll keep on making the wrong things towards her for i believe, i can fix it up the next day. I don't want to do that.

She told me one day that wouldn't it just be great if god can take away these grief and sadness feelings from a human and let human just be born with that single happy feeling. Well, at the moment, i'm thinking that wouldn't it just be wonderful if god can take away this anger feeling from all humans too.

Even though God has given us the feelings of anger, dissatisfaction and hurtfulness, God has also blessed us with regret, redemption and retribution. I'm having major regret for unintentionally hurting her that day and hopefully, she can forgive me for all of my wrong doings towards her.

Truthfully, i want to have her love back in my life. Life is just not the same without her. Hopefully, she can give me that chance to cure her broken heart. I've been through a lot with her for this past one year. And i do really mean a lot.

It would be foolish of me in just letting her and that wonderful one year loving moment between us easily dissappear from both of our life simply in just one nite.

I'm not giving up. Not on us. Not on her.

I'm lost without her. This is not just sweet words. I'm really lost. I don't know how to describe this "lost" feelings. It's like everything that i do, seems not complete somehow.

I understand that she needed some time on her own. I'm giving her all the time she need. I'm sorry if i was not giving her the time and space that she needed all this while in our relationship. I'm truly sorry.

I'll wait for her. With open arms.

19 JUNE 06 - NABIRYN...

I haven’t been posting any recent updates on my blog for quite a while now. It seems that I’ve lost interest in making that frequent visits to my own blog site like I used to do back then. Blogging was one of the main things that I’ve recently ventured myself into just to kill those free times that I mostly have in my dull kinda life. Yup, it’s definitely hard for my male maniacal egoistic genes to admit this, but my “3-years-of-being-single” miserable life was obviously a lame one. It’s the same old routine, day after day.

And out of a sudden, there came Nabiryn. She called herself as the pink goddess due to her naturally born interest in anything that’s pink (apparently, woman who’s craving over pink will automatically be associated with cuteness). That’s kinda true. She’s definitely a cute little girl (there’s no doubt about it!). But after a few get-to-know-each-other-sessions with her, I started to notice that she’s more than just an average kinda cute little girl. Beneath that pretty decent look, there lie a strong, independent and a no-nonsense sort of character. She’s a goddess, all rite. She’s just a pink goddess to you, but she’s the Goddess Pallas Athena to me. Back in the ancient Greece mythology, Athena was always been described as the ferocious and implacable fighter, who’s guarding her native land against all kind of enemies. She protected Athens whole heartedly and for that, she was the beloved daughter of Zeus. In certain poetry, she was mentioned as the reincarnation of wisdom, reason and purity. That’s my Nabiryn.

Thanks for putting those wonderful bright colors into my dim darken life, b. Since the first day we’ve got together, I’ve been experiencing the most wonderful moments in my life. Everyday is a new brighter day when I’m with you. I promise that I’ll take good care of you. I’m really hoping that our relationship will get stronger as time pass by.

Knowing you was the best thing that have ever happen to me. Loving you is the only thing that I know.

LOVE YOU A LOT.

9 JUNE 2006 – PINK GODDESS…

Having a bowl of Nestle’s Almond Clusters for breakfast = RM 5.00 (approximately), Watching “Over The Hedge” at TGV KLCC = RM 10.00 (RM 1.00 added in that amount for entertainment tax), Having the most beautiful, cute, clever, funny, friendly, understanding and not to forget “DROP DEAD GORGEOUS” girl as your girlfriend = PRICELESS…

My 3 years record of being single ended on 29 May 2006. All thanks to Nabiryn. Let’s call her Aryn for short. I call her by a more intimate nick, of course. But that nick is only for my usage. For all you outsiders back there, just stick to that Aryn thingy, ok?

I won’t waste your precious time here in elaborating to you guys on how I know Aryn in the first place. But, she’s the one who has been single handedly filling up those empty spaces in my dull life. I always feel this so much energy flowing rapidly in my blood vessels and surging up my brain cells every time I’m close to her. She’s just so great…

Our relationship can be considered as kinda new, but I do get this feeling that I’ve known her for ages. She can definitely hypnotize you with her thoughts on life. She can make you feel comfortable just merely by listening to her voice. And by the way she talks; you’ll hardly believe that this brilliant girl is only 20 years old!!!

Some of you might be getting the idea that I’m only saying these good things about her simply because she’s my girl and I’m kinda trying my goddamn best in making her falling head over heels on me with my charm. Truthfully, I’m not a charming person at all. I’m not even close to Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Azhar Sulaiman, Imuda, Sabri Yunus, Denzel Washington etc. Realizing that, I’ve never put too much expectation on the appearance of my girl. I just want a girl who can accept me for who I am. I want a girl who I can share my opinions with. I want a girl who’s clever in life. I want a girl who I can talk to on almost anything. The bottom line is, I wanna a girl who can make me feel comfortable in just being myself.

And I’m getting all these things that I wanted when I’m with Aryn. She fits all the criteria that I’ve been searching for in a girl. For me, she’s the most amazing person that I’ve ever met in my life. And I’m really hoping that this relationship will stay strong forever. I definitely can’t predict the future, but I’m seeing my future in her. Tonight, both of us are gonna go to Bangi. We’re gonna be hanging out with Fendi and his gang watching the opening match for World Cup 2006 involving Germany itself as the event host against Costa Rica.

And the weirdest thing is I’m into Argentina and Aryn is craving over Brazil. “Then What The Heck Are You Guys Doing There?!!” That my friend is what I called “Football Spirit”…

30 MAY 2006 – JUNE…..

Still haven’t got the chance in talking to my brother regarding my visa application thingy. And by the way, have I ever mentioned to you guys that I’m planning on heading to Jakarta in the end of July this year? It gonna be an all male hang out time there. Just wanna have a jolly good time once I’ve reached Jakarta Pusat. Hopefully…..

I came back home at 1.05 am this morning. Why? There’s just something interesting happened to me yesterday but I’ll definitely let you guys know bout’ that later on. Frankly, it’s beyond interesting. The feeling was more than just sensational that I can’t even find a suitable word in the Oxford – Cambridge dictionary to describe it! I’ll keep it a secret for the time being. Hey, I do have secrets in my life. Damn, I’ve been keeping all these secrets within me, it kinda make me havin this weird feelin’ that I’m Victoria sometimes!

I promise that I’ll be spillin' all these things out soon enough so stop being nosy!!!

21 MAY 2006 - HOUSE

Due to those “nocturnal” activity last nite, I wake up at 12 pm today. Fortunately for me, my mum is not that nagging kind-o-type of mother. Feelin’ kinda weird on realizing the fact that I’m still hanging out in my family’s place, huh? And knowing the fact that I’m a 25 years old brat kinda adding in those goose bumps thingy for sure.....

“That’s a cheap way for not doing any laundries cleanin’ or getting involved in all sort of payment for the house bills,” you might say. That’s true but sad to say that I do gave my family a little amount of money every month, folks. I paid for the Astro bills, my grandma’s diapers (obviously, she’s an old lady who’s not that strong in making that frequent visits to the loo everyday), gave some pocket money to my 7 nieces and nephews, and yup, I do contribute in the payment of the house bills.

“So why do you still hangin’ in there?” you asked. Well, I have an older brother who’s married to a beautiful Jitra, Kedah girl and decided to start his own family away from my parents’ crib (I’m using an MTV’s slang again, darn!!!). My first elder sister got married but due to some unforeseen circumstances, she decided to get a divorce and now she’s a single mother with a strong will of survival continuing her life working as a kindergarten teacher and at the same time raising her one and only daughter. I do admit that she’s a remarkably one hardcore independent woman. I’ve never seen that huge amount of overflowing strength in any other human before, not even me. My second elder sister got married too and now she’s truly enjoying her life with her 3 children in Klang.

Kinda predicting that my elder sister and her beloved granddaughter will be left alone once she died, my “seemingly-mrs.-tarot-card-reader” mother asked me to promise her in staying at that house for a while until I got married myself. At least, there’s a man beside my father (he’s over 70 years old anyway, in case you’re wondering just how old he truly is. So, stop guessing!!!) that can be dependable on lookin’ after the wellbeing of those ladies of the house.

I don’t mind stayin’ there, for sure!!! My mum is a wonderful cook and by the way, I’m still single…..still in that search mode…..and still missing Ivy’s presence a lot…..

20 MAY 2006 - “API-API”

Went to watch “Over The Hedge” with Lorraine and Fara. Fara decided to bring her friends Reza and Atie along. In case you’re knocking your medulla oblongata at this very moment just tryin’ so goddamn hard in figuring out who the heck this Fara is, she’s actually a friend of mine from the Malaysian Institute Of Multimedia (formerly known as Akademi TV3) glorious past.

And by the way, she’s staying near my place so I’m always lookin’ forward for her company if I’m doing any cinema watching activity. Her “YES” or “NO” answers will totally be depending on her “crazily tight life schedule”. So, if she’s not around and I can’t find any other friends to bug, I’ll just go by myself. Yup, I do feel like Beyonce sometimes, it’s just “Me, Myself and I”…..

“Over The Hedge” was a good show. Seeing Hammy with his super speed ability and wacko personality was just truly entertaining. I sent Lorraine back to her place after the show. I did invite her for a late nite dinner, but she declined, saying that she needs to go back and make a full status report call to her parents at Philippine. Hoping that she won’t be such an annoying pesky roach to my obviously ruined “dining plan” with Lorraine, Fara made that wise move of taking her ride home with Reza and Atie. Thanks Fara. Really do appreciate it. You’re such an understanding lady. But truly sorry sis, my genius plan miserably failed. After making sure that Lorraine safely reach her hotel, I decided to give Hairul Emran a call since he told me that he’s gonna be back to Kuala Lumpur last week.

Made my way to his place in about 20 minutes and saw that he was bringing the whole cavalry with him along. There’s Mizi and also his brother, Hairul Erwan. “This is gonna be fun,” I quietly said. We make our way to Api-Api, which is a cozy dining out place that’s situated at Ampang. Fendi would be really furious if he ever found out that I’m referring to that place as Api-Api. “Can’t you read the signboard, idiot? This place is called Tanjung, it’s not Api-Api!” he claimed. “Why do you call it Api-Api in the first place?” you wonder. Ask Fendi…..

14 MAY 2006 - Toothpaste.....

Noticed that I’ve ran out of my Zact Lions’ Toothpaste. Obviously, that does gonna be a huge disaster for the wellbeing of my full set of teeth in the near future if I’m not taking any quick responsible action to it. So, have to drag my sorry ass to Guardian Pharmacy, KLCC to get one. Decided to give Erwan a call and checking out whether he’s gonna be interested in hanging out with me for a cigarette break in front of Versace. Met him there and he was not quite happy noticing that I was wearin’ his orange shirt that I accidentally borrowed from him a month ago. Hey, I did ask for his permission when I wanted to borrow that shirt last time but later I realized that the shirt was just too nice to be given back to him. Don’t be sad, bro. I’ll definitely give that shirt back to you. Might be in a couple of years…..

Out of a sudden, there came Nurul. Her working shift is done and she’s kinda waitin’ for the bus but she felt that it would just be nice to hang out and spend 5 minutes of her time in having a cigarette break with us. “5 minutes won’t do me any harm.” She said to herself. Instead of behaving like a naturally born baboon, I decided to play the role of a gentleman this time around. I offered her a ride home. This decision was merely taken basically after I realized that she’s staying at Sentul and not Ayer Keroh, Melaka anyway, folks. We decided to check out the sale that Top Shop is having at that moment. Just kinda doing that “window shopping” thingy. We’re not buying windows, anyway…..

We got into the car and decided to have our dinner at somewhere around her place. It was a normal cozy stall at Sentul. The TV (if you’re not sure what TV really means, just look at the story below that I’ve posted earlier) there was showing “Smallville”.

You guys do know “Smallville”, rite? Don’t force me to go there and give you a good spanking for not knowing what “Smallville” is!!!

After dinner, I sent her back home safe and sound. And 30 minutes after that, I’ve found myself in front of my house gate. There’s no action taken here between me and Nurul. Do take note that I’ve decided to play the role of an honorable gentleman earlier. So, no bad thinking involved here. Hey, I do admit that I can be “poyo” sometimes, but I’m slowly learning to become a good guy here. Some people do say that I really look like one nice innocent dude. No comment on that one though…..

13 MAY 2006 - Lazy Bones.....

Spend the whole day at the crib (Wow, I’m using an MTV slang here!). I definitely haven’t been doing this for quite a while. Decided to watch “Blade Trinity” on HBO and regularly switching the show with the FA Cup Final between Liverpool and Westham. Men.....

Fendi called me that nite and makin' inquiry on whether I’ll be interested enough in tagging alongside him and his Bangi mates on watching the live EPL show. For those of you who simply can’t just figure out what EPL truly means, it actually stands for English Premier League. But I’m just too lazy to go out tonite. So sorry bout’ that, bro! I was lying down lazily in front of the TV (that’s short for television, anyway) while my right hand fingers were all busy doing the switching job. I’m truly in heaven, ladies and gents. The match was simply marvelous.

A standing ovation for Gerrard (Gerrard isn’t a short for anything; it’s the name for one of the Liverpool’s key player). He scored two goals to level both teams to a 3-3 draw. For those of you who’d missed seeing that superb match, shame on you. I’m not a Liverpool fan anyway, but at least I watched it…..