For My Girl.....

Wow, my fingers are getting rusty on this blogging thing here. Have not been posting anything for quite a while, eh. Can you imagine that i even have forgotten my login password to my own blog spot?

I can't sleep at the moment. Have about approximately 3 more hours to go before i need to go to work. Why am i still up then? Well, have you ever get that feeling where you wanna say something to somebody but you just can't get the right words out at that period of time and you feel that it's much more better to just write or type it down for him / her? I'm in that kinda feeling right now.

I had a fight with my girl last Sunday nite and it was ugly. Don't wanna elaborate on that one for i'll let bygones be bygones. Unfortunately, we broke up that nite. Yup, it was an ugly fight.

I don't know about you but i personally believe that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I strongly believe that the people who are in a particular relationship, are responsible in creating a perfect situation for their own relationship. Got what i mean?

Let us use Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for an easy imaginary example. Let just say that on a naturally one fine day, Brad and Angie met up at a club and out of a sudden, they realized that there is a chemistry or a connectivity between the both of them and they decided to get along together. Both of them share a lot of things in common.

Brad is a smoker. So does Angie. Brad likes to drink. So does Angie. Brad likes to act. So does Angie. Perfect, huh? But just maybe.....

Brad likes Dunhill. Angie likes Salem Light. Brad likes to drink chocolate milshakes. Angie likes to drink strawberry milkshakes. She's allergic to chocolate. Brad likes to act in a movie. Angie likes to act in a drama or maybe a soap opera.

But that's the beauty of a relationship. Despite the fact that there are a few differences between these two individuals, love brings them closer and closer to one another every single day. They'll definitely get tangled in a small argument when Brad bought Angie a box of Ferrero Rocher for her birthday present. "Don't you know that i'm allergic to chocolates?" she said. And from that day onwards, Brad will learn his lesson and keep a personal note to himself on this matter. So that whenever somebody ask him why do he buy a pack of Salem Light's cigarettes for Angie's birthday, he'll say "Angie is allergic to chocolate".

Back to my story, i personally believe that we are the ones who make our relationship perfect. By loving one another, we work together in understanding each other so that we could be side by side forever.

I love my girl. I love her so much. She told me that i'm just like the other guys that she met before who keep on hurting her feelings. But i'm not. I'm definitely not like other guys. The major difference between me and the other guys is i have her by my side. The other guys don't.

I used to have her.....

I'm merely a human. Just as how i make her laugh with my stupid jokes sometimes, just as how i make her smile with my funny faces sometimes, that is just how i could also possibly hurt her feelings unintentionally sometimes. And i'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry.

She asked me recently whether i'm doing fine or not. To be honest, i'm not doing fine. I don't know how to explain this but i'm kinda having that "discomfort" feeling when she's not here by my side.

I'm sorry that i've hurt her feelings. She said that we can't turn back time. Yup, we definitely can't turn back time. But even if i can, i might not want to do it. Why? Because if i keep on turning back the time to fix the things that i've wrongly done to her, i won't be learning my lessons. I'll keep on making the wrong things towards her for i believe, i can fix it up the next day. I don't want to do that.

She told me one day that wouldn't it just be great if god can take away these grief and sadness feelings from a human and let human just be born with that single happy feeling. Well, at the moment, i'm thinking that wouldn't it just be wonderful if god can take away this anger feeling from all humans too.

Even though God has given us the feelings of anger, dissatisfaction and hurtfulness, God has also blessed us with regret, redemption and retribution. I'm having major regret for unintentionally hurting her that day and hopefully, she can forgive me for all of my wrong doings towards her.

Truthfully, i want to have her love back in my life. Life is just not the same without her. Hopefully, she can give me that chance to cure her broken heart. I've been through a lot with her for this past one year. And i do really mean a lot.

It would be foolish of me in just letting her and that wonderful one year loving moment between us easily dissappear from both of our life simply in just one nite.

I'm not giving up. Not on us. Not on her.

I'm lost without her. This is not just sweet words. I'm really lost. I don't know how to describe this "lost" feelings. It's like everything that i do, seems not complete somehow.

I understand that she needed some time on her own. I'm giving her all the time she need. I'm sorry if i was not giving her the time and space that she needed all this while in our relationship. I'm truly sorry.

I'll wait for her. With open arms.